BULLYING SCENARIOS

Sometimes parents are not sure how best to respond to a child who is being bullied. We hope this page will give you some concrete ideas about how you might help your child.

Instructions: Imagine you were the parents of the child described in each of the following scenarios. What would you do? There is no right or wrong answer! We have provided some possible responses and potential consequences of each of the responses.

Scenario 1

Jonathan, a fourth-grader Filipino American boy who is small for his age, has been refusing to go to school and has been complaining of a headache or stomach ache every morning. Jonathan finally tells you {parents) that he is scared of going to school because he has been pushed, kicked, and teased by a group of larger kids in his school. He starts crying as he tells his story. Jonathan says he had already told the teachers but the teasing and pushing continues.

Click below for potential consequences:

  • Jonathan may feel that he cannot share his feelings with his parents; for example, "am I not allowed to feel upset or scared?"
  • Bullying may Jonathan may continue to experience fear and refuse to go to school.
  • Jonathan may feel like he was not being strong or tough enough, and that he should have fought This may negatively impact his physical health {e.g., headaches, restlessness), mental health {e.g., feelings ofanxiety, doubts, worthlessness, depression and low self-esteem). He may also question his identity andvalue as a boy; for example, "If I do not want to or cannot fight, does it mean that I am not a boy?"
  • Jonathan may try to act "normal" and fight But because other kids are physically bigger and stronger, and have more power over him, Jonathan is likely to get hurt.

  • Jonathan may feel that his parents did not hear or understand his
  • Bullying may Jonathan may continue to experience fear and refuse to go to school.
  • The other kids may tease him for walking away and not fighting
  • Walking away may be the safest option for Jonathan in this case given that the other kids are physically biggerand stronger than However, the bullying could continue.

  • Jonathan is likely to feel heard and understood by his
  • This response helps Jonathan see that his family takes the situation seriously and does not condonebullying or any forms of peer-related
  • This response is age It underscores that the family is here to support Jonathan and will take actions towork with his school to address the problem.

Scenario 2

Ahmad is one of only a few Muslim and Indonesian students in his high school. After the recent presidential election, Ahmad feels that the school environment has become particularly hostile and unsafe. On several occasions when the morning news reported a terrorist attack in another country, a group of students surrounded him, questioning his and his family’s loyalty to the U.S. At the suggestion of his friend, Ahmad told the school principal about the harassment. While the in-person harassment stopped, the group created a fake profile with Ahmad’s photo that pledges allegiance to Allah, and spread it around social media sites using an anonymous account. Ahmad confided this incident in his teacher, and the school principal contacted you, the parents.

Click below for potential consequences:

  • Ahmad may continue to experience harassment, whether online or in person, from his peers who have made serious allegations about him, such as calling him "a "
  • Ahmad may feel validated by his parents but continues to feel unwelcome and unsafe at The pervasiveharassment and fear could affect Ahmad's physical and psychological well-being, as well as his academic performance and progress.

  • Teens who engage in cyberbullying, and other teens who see the rumors, may not care whether the ru- mors aretrue or The cyberbullying may continue or escalate.
  • This response places the burden on Ahmad to clear his own name and to correct a problem that he did not He may feel like no one can help.

  • Ahmad is likely to feel heard and understood by his
  • This response also highlights that students from culturally diverse backgrounds may be targeted not because of their individual characteristics but because of the larger societal and political
  • This response emphasizes that students who are being harassed or bullied are not to be blamed or shamed.Instead, they should report the incident to school authorities and/or other trusting adults who can take action toaddress the

Scenario 3

Xiao Ling, a first grade student, recently immigrated from China and started attending an elementary school in a suburban neighborhood. Several students in her class have made fun of her name, her accent, her slanty eyes and her clothing. One day, a kid made up a nickname for her that everyone thinks is funny, “Xiao Long Bao! Round and small! Made in China, eaten by all. “Xiao Ling came home crying and said she had been feeling very isolated, sad, and wanted to “go home.”

Click below for potential consequences:

  • Although Xiao Ling may try to ignore the harassment from other students, the verbal bullying may persist, and she may continue to feel isolated and
  • Xiao Ling may think that her parents did not take her situation seriously when they told her to simply ignore the jokes. Xiao Ling did not think that the jokes were silly or funny. The jokes can be a form of micro-aggression.
  • Xiao Ling may feel misunderstood by her parents when they told her to feel proud of her cultural heritage. The problem is not that Xiao Ling doesn't feel proud of her culture; Xiao Ling indeed misses her home country and wants to go back. Her feeling of cultural pride does not stop the harassment, nor does it necessarily prevent her from feeling sad and isolated.

  • Xiao Ling may not think that she was She was being teased on a daily basis. This response mayinvalidate Xiao Ling's feelings and experience.
  • Adjusting to a new school and a new culture is hard for most people, but it does not mean that what is happening to Xiao Ling is a "normal" phase of cultural Verbal teasing and/or repeated verbal bullying should not be tolerated.
  • The teasing, verbal bullying, and parents' lack of understanding could exacerbate Xiao Ling's feelings of

  • Xiao Ling is likely to feel heard and understood by her
  • This response also highlights that students who are being teased or bullied are not to be blamed or shamed;instead they should report the incident to school authorities and/or other trusted adults who can take action toaddress the
  • This response is age It underscores that the family is here to support Xiao Ling and will work withher school to address the problem.

Scenario 4

Your daughter, Karina, is a sixth grader in a public school. She told you one day that a group of classmates had been spreading hurtful rumors about her via Facebook posts and text messages. In addition, they made fun of her darker complexion, the food she eats, and her academic excellence almost on a daily basis. Sometimes they would demand Katrina to help them with homework, or give them things. The teacher had not been responsive to the incidents or to your request for help.

Click below for potential consequences:

  • Karina may not want to go to a different school, and she may feel that she is being punished for other students'
  • The harassment may continue through text messages and other social media, even if Karina goes to a different

  • Karina may feel that she's being punished for other students' Having access to Facebook and staying connected with friends is important to adolescents. Karina may think it's unfair that she has to changeher behavior {i.e., deactivate her account) while her peers can continue to enjoy social media.
  • This response does not address the issue that other students at school are "demanding" that Karina help themwith their math homework or give her personal belongings to The bullying may continue online or inperson.

  • Karina is likely to feel heard and understood by her
  • This response accurately identifies that what has been happening to Karina is a form of relational and
  • This response helps Karina see that her family is there to support her and that they will take action to work withher school to address the problem instead of placing the burden on Karina to change her behavior.

When your child tells you that he/she is being bullied, we generally recommend that you let your child know that:

You are glad he/she came to you

You heard what they said

You care about their safety

You will take action to keep them safe/feel protected

Download the full Bullying Resource Guide for Parents:

Bullying Parent Guide_AAPA in English

Bullying Parent Guide AAPA in Korean

Bullying Parent Guide AAPA_in Simplified Chinese

Bullying Parent Guide AAPA in Traditional Chinese

Bullying Parent Guide AAPA in Vietnamese